Moving This Blog

Hello my gentle readers. This is an announcement to say that I am moving this blog over to my main website, www.d332.com which is now powered by wordpress. In the past, I have not been conscientious about checking the comments and replies here, probably because I never got any of the email announcements when people did post a one. But that will change soon enough!

I have moved all the entries here over to the website, and it is under "transvestism." So scoot on over if you have a minute, and say hi to my new online face!

Oof. That didn't sound right did it? :-)

Just What Are Tranny Chasers Running Away From?

I'm going to momentarily suspend the theory that trannychasers are running away from the need to memorize the entire Judy Garland catalog, having a pair of fabulous eyes for matching drapes, and out-product a metrosexual man by five bottles of leave-in conditioner.

From my conversations with people and personal experiences, tranny chasers actually have many books written about them, and they can be referenced at any local mall bookstore. The are in the dating books under the chapter How To Spot Mr. Wrong. Whenever I browse through these books, I can't help but shake my head, nod in agreement, laugh, cry, and take my eyeballs for a spin over by my forehead.

Let's just focus on one introduction No-No: Money.

I recently checked with several dozen straight guy friends and straight gal pals: When you first meet a girl (if you are a boy) or when a boy meets you (if you are a girl), does the issue of money crop up? Husbands and wives who have taken vows to keep it together, balancing checkbooks, restricting cash flow, maintaining income, keeping debt under control, Yes. Guys who want to put their best foot forward as a first impression, no.

And yet, amazingly enough, transgirls continually complain about admirers who have no qualms whining about how many quarters are left in their piggy bank in front of them. Car sex to tranny-chasers are de rigeur, as even so much as a few hours at a shabby motel will risk detection at month's end from the account-saavy wife at months end. Do they realize how far this can go in the straight world at a bar or dance club?

I'm beginning to think that quite a few t-chasers are guys who simply can't compete in a man's world when it comes to the business of chasing tail.

Either that or they have been burnt too many times by Lorelei Lee impersonators who gold-dig as if they looked like Marilyn. To be fair, it's not uncommon for one to come across numerous profiles of tgirls who demand everything only Paris Hilton gets.

From what I've seen and heard, it looks more like Arkansas Motel 6.

Frankly, I think it'll look better with the lights off.

Dear Mr. Welles, A Proposed Advice Column at The Solitary Arc

The only thing more ill advised than introducing yourself as a transvestite who lives with your mother, is enlisting Janet Leigh as a spokeswoman for a motel chain.

It's a wrap: The Tale of the Gaff

A sister tgirl asked about my "gaff" the other day. I said, "what's a gaff? Is that like British for a mouthful?" I was then told that that means one of those thingies that you improvise out of a nylon stocking so you can roll it up and put the family jewels in security deposit.

I think I heard about this somewhere around twenty years ago. It's a great idea if you want to feel more like a girl, or you are the understudy for an adult film star.

But it got me thinking: (And girls, if you don't like talking about this, please turn away and pretend we are not here) Anatomically speaking, the penis is at it's most relaxed when it is fully extended. When it is flaccid, it's really under tension. So to wrap it up when it is under tension, would be double indemnity. Kinda like David Hasselhof singing to John Tesh.

And then I thought, well you can see the outline of the breast in all women's clothing, why not the male genitals? Is there anything wrong with it? I happen to think the male organ is a thing of beauty. So why hide it if you're not trying to pass anyway?

Oh well...perhaps it's better that it stays tuck away. You know what they say: Everything grows larger in one's imagination!

Smile, You're On Hot Chick!

In surfing websites about trans-lifestyles, one of the misleading pieces of advice I often come across is that when one goes out in their trans-state, one should make it a point to smile as often as possible.

I understand that this is done with the intention to disarm the public - who treat movies as representations of truth - from the preconceived notion that all transpeople are somehow serial killers.

(It also follows that All high-security prisoners act and talk like Anthony Hopkins right?)

But then if one were to look at the fraction of dramas with transpeople vs. the endlessly recycled comedies that pokes fun at transfolk, it becomes obvious that if anything, being serious should be the order of the day.

I'm not sure why strangers and the faceless publie need to be appeased, or even answered to. Look at any girl walking alone in public. They are usually stern, looking to the ground to avoid eye contact with most men, and marching onwards with a sense of purpose.

A girl who is walking alone and smiling would probably stand out more.

Just FYI

The New England Journal has stated in its latest studies that tranny chasing is a "gateway" activity that increases the chance of practitioners being led to full-blown, feather-boa flailing, drapes-matching par excellence, Barbara Streisand Complete Box Set-owning, Wizard of Oz Collector's Edition DVD-watching homosexuality.

The Full Body Shot and the Event of Dressing

I'm not sure whether I may have mentioned this before, but one of the things I see lacking in transvestite/crossdresser self-portraits are cropped shots. By cropped shots, I mean everything BUT full-body shots. Certainly websites have "full-body shots only" policy for their profile pictures are not helping the aesthetic cause and the art of the transvestite self-portrait.

But I think the greater problem lies in the event of dressing. Most transvestites are not 24/7 and do not live full time. So this means they don't dress often enough for dressing to be a non-event. By the time many go through all the trouble of dressing, they want to document what all that trouble has gone to. As a result, the full body shot.

I do it too. But I'm planning on changing that. The art of luxury is in discarding a good portion of useable materials. This creates space. Cramming every fuctional nook and cranny with information makes the composition suffocate.

Think about this the next time you take a picture.

Poll: Self-Image: How Would You Find Yourself Attractive?

Here is an interesting poll I am conducting in a livejournal group I moderate. I call it:

Self-Image: How Would You Find Yourself Attractive?

It's actually self explanatory, and more of an exercise than a statistical poll. Have a look at it. If you have an LJ account you can vote too. If you don't, just write down your answer and check back here in a few days. I'll discuss it here.

Movies With Transvestites In Them

Forever Mary
I saw this movie at the Angelika in NYC when it first came out. As Italian as it was in certain ways, the tension between the schoolteacher and the troubled crossdressing (don't they go hand in hand?) youth was subtle and underplayed. Call it the To Sir With Love with a cherry twist!

Priscilla Queen of the Desert
I think I slept through most of this one. The allegorical semiotics in the message of this movie, I feel, is that you have to be able to kick Superman's butt in another movie, before you can put on a dress.

Glen or Glenda I have yet to see this one, although Ed Wood's infatuation with Angora already predisposes me in some odd way. Maybe they'll have a remake before I get around to it. Don't they always?

To Wong Foo I have seen bits and pieces of this movie. It seemed like a male version of Fried Green Tomatoes.

Bad Education The high style of Almodovar puts this on the top of my most recommended list. There is really a metaphorical play on identities in this storyline that I feel many transvesites would understand.

Ma Vie En Rose My favorite trans movie. Because it's so sweet adorable and innocent. In the past fifteen years, this was the only movie I went back to the cinemas for a second helping of.

Stonewall I'm trying to recall this movie. I did remember some realistic scenes between the main characters which I thought hit pretty close to home. Don't quote me on it though.

Rocky Horror Picture Show I have never seen this movie. If I ever do, it would only be to check out Susan Sarandon's sweaters. I think I am probably secretly rebelling against the multitudes who constantly nag me with "Oh You're a transvestite! Let's talk about the Rocky Horror Show." So I threw a roll of toilet paper at them to indicate I was in the know with that whole subculture.

Hedwig and the Angry Inch Another movie I really have no intentions of seeing. A dear friend took me to see it in its off-Broadway production in the west village before it became a movie. That should be enough.

------

Movies Where Transvestites are Comedy

Hot Chick
Sorority Boys
Some Like It Hot
Tootsie
Mrs. Doubtfire


Any more to add? Please do so by commenting. Thanks!

Who died and elected me spokesperson?

One of the things that I frequently hear people in the transvestite community policing each other on is their "presentation." No surprise here, as the "slut" identity seems to be a popular selection in transvestite circles. Still, the public's perception of who trans* people are seems to be a source of neverending concern to the apparel police. Respect is a word that is highly coveted. And I must say that I do empathize: The cognitive sense of what constitutes a "trans*" person affects those who are living full time more than it does the weekend Xenas. Nevertheless, we are talking about respect from absolute strangers. As seems to be the case with these scenarios, personal politics and moral high ground serves to obliterate any sense of creativity and expression. I know, because I often get chastized by my contemporaries for my way of dressing.

My question is this: Who died and made me spokesperson for the ENTIRE trans community? Why is my obligation first and foremost, to present an image of trans people that YOU are comfortable with? And more importantly, when did your comfort zone with who you are and your concern of public opinion overtake MY duty to MY self-expression?

Everytime I put on a stitch of clothing, should I worry first and foremost that a bystander's absolute lack of critical thought may lead him to conclude that what I am and what I do is representative of the entire trans community? So it should also follow that because I represent a whole, it is therefore concluded that every single member of the trans community has ridden a motorcycle from New York City to San Francisco, plays 16th century Harpsichord music, and is Chinese.

I like to see it this way: How people interpret my actions is more a reflection of who they are. True, their interpretation could result in acts of disapproval, vocal abuse, even force. But if I were to give in to that fear, then I would be living for the sake of absolute strangers.

And THAT, in my opinion, is not a good image of a trans* individual.

Laughter

One of the things that one constantly hears about being "trans in the open" is violence. I have not begun to see this violence in terms of psychological and spiritual violence until recently. Though I do take note of it, I just assume that it's someone exercising their freedom of expression as I am mine. It is true, that one can be seen as destructive and the other creative, but no one ever wrote the rules on what expression is. Civility is, at best, an option in a democratic world.

Sometimes I watch colleagues prepare to go out, and the lonesome ritual of getting ready strikes a humane chord within me. Nobody who put what she sees as her best foot forward should give an anonymous person on the street the pleasure of taking her down.

So in the interest of this particular concern, I will attempt to explain why laughter is only as potent as you allow it to be.

Let's begin with the cliche: "You laugh at me because I'm different, I laugh at you because you are all the same." It's so 2002 I can't deny that, but there's some truth to this when you give a glance to what is usually taking place.

1) Nobody, I mean NOBODY, ever snickers or laughs at you when they are alone. They are always in company, in a group, with friends. If you
divide these people up into individuals, not only will they keep their mouth firmly shut, but they would not have half the courage to venture into the path less traveled.

2) When in company, they dress exactly like their peers. We, as a group, know the implications and the bulwark of costume, so the party who is really the most vulnerable here, is only apparent after a bit of reconsideration.

3) I equate the iron will of the "trans in the open" with an unrelentless drive. Laughter shouldn't stop you from doing what pleases you, nor should it put a damper on your lifestyle. It is always advisable to be in the company of friends when being out and about in the open, but just don't let the weakest form of street culture get to ya.

To all this, I ask simply: Why let strangers run your life?

The Complete This Is A Man's World

The Complete "This Is A Man's World" Series can be now found in Current Writings 2005 on The Solitary Arc

This is a Man's World (Part 3 of a series on Transvestite Dating scheduled for Current Writings 2005)

3. The Paradox of Transvestism

The greatest barrier transvestites AND their admirers complain about is the tendency to play games, tell lies, and not come through. If you look at the logical paradox proposed by the Cretan prophet Epimenides in the 6th century BC: Should you believe a Crete when he says "All statements made by Cretans are false". If you were to believe what he says, then you can't possibly believe what he says.

Every transvestite suffers the same paradox with her suitor: Because the union is founded on a presupposed lie (A man pretending to be a woman), the tranny chaser feels he is at liberty to make up any story and every promise. He will defend, "After all, if the transvestite is pretending, isn't it just fair that I be allowed to pretend and lie as well?"

A woman gets the temporary upper hand and a man has to work for it? That sounds pretty much like the standard straightforward rules of engagement in mainstream culture to me. If you can't hang with these rules, I know a few guy friends who whould be more than happy to show you the way.

Every girl appreciates an admirer. No girl, not even a man in a girl's dress, appreciates another man who can't make good on his word. It is true that coquetry is a feminine artform that is enjoyed by women in the antiquated age that transvestites seem to want to return to. But such practices only blossom when they are dovetailed by the chivalry expected of men from their end of the agreement.

This is a Man's World (Part 2 of a series on Transvestite Dating scheduled for Current Writings 2005)

2. The illusion is broken when a man ask a woman about her genitalia, before the first date.

I joked that courtship among transvestites and their admirers is something akin to a medical examination: "Are you on hormones?" "Do you have any implants?" "Have you had any surgery?" "Are you full time?"

It's a catch-22 unfortunately. It would be a grand waste of time to do all that wining and dining only to lead up to a main course with a missing ingredient. Oktoberfest would not be oktoberfest without the bratwurst.

On the other hand No proper girl...I REPEAT...NO PROPER GIRL...ever freely talks about her genitals to strangers online. Heavens, it's already considered poor taste to ask a girl to reveal her weight, and you guys want to see the blueprint for the plumbing to the whole estate?

Are you even licensed?

Guys, if you want to ask us whether it's an innie or outey, then don't complain if we do decide to let one rip in the middle of the third quarter, and high five your buddies (who are over to see the game) with such force that they tip over the keg and crash into the plasma tv. Because anyway you dress it, the moment you ask a girl about her body parts before the first date, the illusion is broken and it ceases being about a man and a woman: It becomes just two guys talking about sex.

This is a Man's World (Part 1 of a series on Transvestite Dating scheduled for Current Writings 2005)

There are several curious realizations about the mtf transvestite community that have revealed themselves to me this year. Without further ado, here they are:

1. If you label yourself a transvestite, you are asking for sex.

It's all in the way you bait the hook. Since transvestism is a clinical term used in psychological case studies for sexual variance and deviance, not only does the dresser associate the woman's clothes with sexual pleasure, but so does her suitor. It's self-perpetuating.

Heterosexual men have invented the simulacra that implies when someone dresses a certain way, they are asking for it. Since transvestism is a hyper-heterosexual realm, where gender is reduced to absurd extremes, it comes as no surprise that each group will amplify the role they have chosen.

I personally have no problems with liking sex...thank heavens. But I like to see the stars when I am on my back staring into the skies. A man who thinks sex is all there is to sex is probably lacking in means. All that surrounds and leads up to the sexual act is as important as the physical act itself.

A disappointed gentleman-caller recently griped to me: "I thought all transvestites were passionate."

And to this I answered: "No, it is all undiscriminating fishermen who are poorly fed."

WAM-BAM-LOG-OFF-MA'AM: A Guide To PVT Messaging Sex for Transgirls

Here is the transcript and translation from my first re-entry into a chatroom
pvt messaging session in 2 years:

Bachelor #1: Hi. You're hott.

Bachelor #1: I like to f**k.

Bachelor #1: Spanish/Thai in Queens.

Bachelor #1: 190lbs 6'3"

Bachelor #1: I like sex. Chat?

Bachelor #1: 7 inches.

(pause)

Bachelor #1: U there?

D332: You haven't even given me a chance to respond yet and you've already whipped it out?

Bachelor #1: LOL

---

Following is what actually took place in the conversation above:

(Translations in parentheses)

Bachelor #1: Hi. You're hott. (cut-and-paste from another pvt window with another person)

Bachelor #1: I like to f**k. (I like to sit in
front of a computer all day and surf porn)

Bachelor #1: Spanish/Thai in Queens. (Married Caucasian
male, mid 40s, suburbs)

Bachelor #1: 190lbs 6'3" (220 lbs, 5'7")

Bachelor #1: I like sex. Chat? (My wife will be home in 30 minutes)

Bachelor #1: 7 inches. (4.3 inches)

(pause) (pvt messaging with eight other people)

Bachelor #1: U there? (My wife just called on the
cell, she's coming home 15 minutes early)

D332: You haven't even given me a chance to respond
yet and you've already whipped it out? (No)

Bachelor #1: LOL (I have no life)

"Gender is an Expression, Not A Lifelong Sentence"

I can't speak for all transvestites, but one of the things that have occurred to me over the weeks, is that there is a marked difference between transvestites and hormone/surgery-destined transgender folk. Honestly in all the excitement and reassertion of who should lay claim to the throne beneath the almighty T* umbrella, some of us have neglected to pay attention to differences. Here is what I think:

For transvestites, gender is an expression, not a lifelong sentence.

What does this phrase mean? For me, an expression could be fleeting. It could be something you can turn on and turn off. I personally see it in terms of an artistic expression. I think it's important to understand this distinction, because even though I think transvestites do face discrimination and an equal amount of problems, violence, and lack of understanding in society AND communities, I also believe that to put transvestites in the same group as hormone/surgery-destined transgender folk may negate from the seriousness of the latter's situation.

Many transvestites like myself value our "other" self as a part of identity. Look at the word itself: It is only transgressing in costume and dress. The hormone/surgery trans folk, on the other hand, are looking to replace the other self with a realization of their true self. It's definitely a greater calling and demands a higher level of commitment.

That's not to say transvestites don't face their own set of problems. We do.

Ten Things That Make A TransGirl Roll Eyeballs and go "No."

I've had to confirm many of these recurring scenarios with other transgirls, if only to establish the fact that I am not the only one who has been hearing them recycled. I was undecided as to whether I should post this one on my website because I don't want to come off sounding "hard" (especially since those of you who know or have met me can already hear my laughter when you read this) But since it's been getting so many laughs of recognition everywhere I post it, I decided to put it up here. So here it is:

Ten Things That Make A TransGirl Roll Eyeballs and go "No."

1. I don't have a photograph to send you.

Ok. Would you write to us if you had not seen our pictures first? No. So that line "I don't want people to see me, you never know who's out there looking" simply does not fly. We're out there. Everyone sees us. That's how you saw us and decided to reply.

2. I want to be 100% honest. I am married and my wife doesn't know..

Seriously you guys get a gold star for fessing up. But you would fail at math, because I too want to be 100% honest: size doesn't matter.

3. Drive over to see me, I live at this address..

I have never heard any real men asking real girls to do that on a first date. Unless that girl is very desperate. I am not even slightly desperate.

4. I have needs. I need lots of attention.

If I had to do that, I would date another girl, because then we can swap pretty dresses, do each other's hair and never risk showing up at a function wearing the same thing. Woo-hoo!

5. I have always wanted to dress, can you help feminize me and let me try on your wardrobe?

I have heard of people being loved for their money. I have never heard of people being loved for their closet. Let me introduce you to my brother. Her name is Macy's.

6. I am a straight heterosexual male, just so you know.

It's never too late to change. But just so you know, when straight men check into a B&B it is with the understanding that he is getting Bed & Breakfast, not Bed & Bratwurst.

7. Meet me at a motel.

Why? I have nothing to hide. If it's going to be only about sex, at the very least, make it only about sex in a nice warm comfy home setting...minus a screaming wife who is swinging a bat.

8. I'm not paying for a motel, you pay for it or we can find a quiet parking spot.

Men should realize there are things that are more durable and reliable for half the price of a motel room. And you only have to pay once. (No, shh...not a word baby, I know what you're about to ask: rechargeable)

9. Nee How Mah? I have a thing for Asians, plus I'm WHITE.

Whatever. As long as you know that just because I was born in a British colonized country and that I've been exposed to a lifetime's worth of Hollywood movies, I'm not gonna fawn over you just because you have the same skin color and features as...(weak, erotic gasp)...the fry-cook who works down at Mickey-D's.

10. You're pretty snotty for a fake chick.

I must be a fake chick, because it sure is raining fake men.

What's all the glamour over being a girl?

I hate to say it. But transgender/crossdressing/transvestite lifestyles bring gender wars into focus.

Whenever people ask me what all the glamour over being a girl is, I always say, "because it turns me on, and because I like it." But if I were to speak for the other mtf contingent, I would say this:

A girl dresses as a boy and gets murdered, movies are made, nominations are elected, awards are given.

A boy dresses as a girl, and dozens of us are murdered, beaten, brutalized each year, every month, and what do we get? The Hot Chick, Sorority Boys, White Chicks, To Wong Foo."

And then I ask, "show me the glamour in being a man"

Why Can't You Accept Us in our 8,495,394,159 variations?

I have been thinking about this item for a few years.

Back in the day when Yahoo Groups was known as Yahoo Clubs, it was not uncommon for people to come to a club and promote their new club. This still happens in Yahoo Groups, and it certainly happens in Livejournal communities.

One of the greatest culprits of this practice are folks in the trans communities.

Even within a Yahoo group, few people will contribute to the Club Folder when it comes to pictures. Most members will start their own folder, name it their names, and load it up with a dozen pictures. Like pet photographs, only the loving owner will be able to make the distinction between the three dozen pictures they expect you to dote over.

But don't ever tell them that.

Now back to the groups/clubs/communities. Every other day, someone will show up and announce things like, "Hey guys, I've started a new group, it's called transboisonbananaseatbicycleswithbaskets."

It's impossible to tell a culture based on identity issues that struggles of individuality may be at the root of many of their problems. To compound the scenario, our culture is so steeped on the idea of individuality (only as a function of Consumerism) that it's even more difficult to buy oneself out of a hole: One buys reassignment surgery, hormones, therapy time, electrolysis, makeup, wigs, clothes, language.

Continually diluting the community can only lead to a lack of unity. I understand that certain people may feel they have unique problems, but the essence of a community is perhaps not always for the individual gain. There are many many issues discussed in the transgender community that does not affect me at all, but I'm still interested in seeking possible solutions, empathizing with hardships, and gaining a better understanding of the practical issues at hand.

Here's what troubles me most though: when us trans-identified people bellyache about not being accepted by the GLB community, I can just hear those guys saying, "you guys can't even ban together, and you expect to ban with us?"

The Bitter Queen Part V

There is this preoccupation among mtf transvestites and transgender people with physical passing. I think not enough of us pay attention to psychological passing. What do I mean by psychological passing?

The attitude.

I have talked, at length, about bitter queens. I once read a gay advice column where bitter (gay) queens are kindly asked to leave their sarcasm at home where it belongs. We've all been through tough times. Nobody's drama takes priority.

But there is another attitude among mtf transvestites: It's this, "I spent many hours shaving, putting on makeup, primping, dressing....so you owe me something. At least let me make a bazillion sarcastic remarks, because you don't know what I've had to go through." I myself mentioned this when I said how odd it is that some tranny chasers ask you to go to them on a first date. Something no one would dare ask of a genetic girl on a first date. Still, I don't think anyone owes me anything for the hard work it takes to be a girl.

Because let's face it: Even real girls have to work at being girls. Do you see them openly walking around with a chip on their shoulder for daily upkeep? No. I think the attitude comes from this traditional male attitude: "As long as girls are doing it to please us, it's ok. But now that I have to do it: I'll be damned if you won't have to hear about my inconvenience."

Ladies. Be wise. Here's simple advice you will be familiar with.

Keep It Hidden.

Renee Reyes's Website

A friend talked about Renee Reyes's website. There is a host of information for beginning T-girls, dressing, diet, picture-taking, FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions) about the lifestyle, and tips for educating the tranny chaser.

As a side note, has anyone ever wondered why you guys are always chasing us?

Hint: We're running away from you for a reason. Unlike the generous Renee, I am not going to tell you that reason. C'mon, I don't want to be the one that removes the last ounce of mystery and excitement from the chase!

Anyway, here is the website. And really, I'm so glad that there is a page like that out there, because I for one, am wayyyyy too lazy to be telling you all this, especially when someone has already done it. My advice on Self portraits has already left me exhausted. I am certainly no web ingenue, that's fer sure!

Just remember. Treat advice as advice. Don't be a cookie-cutter personality: Use it as an informational tool to align your sights and assist your goals. But do not use it as a substitute for a personality, because ultimately, it's the magnetism and uniqueness of the individual that's going to make the cut.

Cuz if everyone followed the rules to the letter, punk would be dead and there would only be...uh...Hot Topic.

Renee Reyes's Website

Fake Chicks and the Simulacrum of Impersonators

In my travels around the internet, I once heard a fellow refer to transgender / transvestites as "fake chicks." Ugh. I thought it couldn't get worst than the phrase, "but dude, you're a dude." But my money's on "fake chicks." It can't get worst than that.

I wonder if anyone has yet discussed the simulacrum inherent in transvestite modes of expression. We all know and implicit understand that the artifice of femininity itself, even when practiced by genetic girls, is a ruse. But when a person emulates a girl, or even on a more severe level, a movie personality who distills all the most desirable (to men anyway, because these personalities were created, historically, within the realm of male-owned industries) qualities of womanhood onscreen, he is twice, or even thrice removed from the day-by-day woman.

I suppose that's why I steer clear of lip-synching. The practice (popular among T* culture) has only escaped inspection because in the postmodern environment of remakes, it doesn't seem all that foreign a concept.

The definition of simulacrum (or simulacra) is "an inferior imitation." Fake chick sounds about as close to inferior as you can get. I say, why settle for a copy? Approach the problem with a synergistic solution, and aim for the skies.

Settle for nothing less than the third sex.

Maybe size does matter

I'll be honest. Although I help Amazon and Google pick out books that compliment my site, I have not read most of the books on transvestism and transgendered lifestyle. I do know that a movie like Ma Vie En Rose makes me happy, and certainly a book like Holly Brubach's Girlfriend- which a dear friend made a gift to me many years ago- makes big differences.

So I decided to go online to read other people's reviews on some of these books that are adorning my website. So what's the deal with T* people and words anyway? Why do we always write so much about our lifestyle, how we got to where we are, and what we do? Has anyone ever heard of the phrase "methinks you doth protest too loud"?

The miracle of the internet and the world wide web is that whatever brilliant idea we may have... has already been uttered more brilliantly by someone else before. Nevertheless, few T* people seem to have absorbed this. Since the internet operates in the medium of words, it's ultimately ideas in the form of words that get rehashed and recycled.

I've often joked that the difference between a TV and a TG is 56,000 words (as in a thesis).

I personally would like to see affirmative action. Not in the traditional sense of the word, but in affirmative living, and success stories. Forget the words.

Show me how you have successfully survived all these years and still retain a smile.

;-)

A drive along the outskirts

I was driving around my neighborhood late last evening. I saw a New York City Cab faltering its way through the suburban streets I have known since I was a kid. Gone was the flair and braggadocio of weaving through congested city traffic in a company car with company insurance. Now the yellow cab seems almost vulnerable, uncertain. A turn signal on, a turn signal off. The car went straight. It slowed down, it looked, it made a half right, then turned left.

Sensitivity training was a novel idea in the 90s. Men wore pregnancy counter-weight bags to empathize. Sometimes I wish each and everyone of us could take a metaphorical drive along the outskirts of our comfort zone.

I know I would falter too.

Transgenders have issues, Transvestites have fun

While I call myself a transvestite, I fall under the umbrella of transgender-identified. I want to say it's all just labels and terminology, and to a great extent it is, but there's one thing I can't help noticing: Transgender folk always have many issues to discuss.

Obviously, this comes about because a 24/7 round-the-clock identity is sort after. So among transgender-identified people, there are infinitely more practical issues, choices, concerns, and barriers to deal with, as opposed to the part-time status of the transvestite. I would hate to see a transvestite as an amateur dresser while a transgender has a professional's concerns, but amateurs do have less to worry about. A transvestite is the shop assistant that doesn't take her work home with her. At 5:00 sharp, his weekend begins.

So you see, a transgender-identified person is certainly up against more. Let's not make things any more difficult for them.

All I'm saying is, any side of the coin you are on, don't forget: Have fun, live life, and have a great 2005!

All or Nothing

I was at a transvestite bar this past weekend,
and one of the things that amused me was the
extreme position the culture takes in opposite
to that which is taken by the transgender
group. There's this whole business of the
"slut" and "whore" image
that seems like a manifestation of internalized
misogyny. What's more, the guys tend to "read"
every person in the establishment according
to their outfits. (ie. "Are you dressed
like you want it? or "You are wearing
pants, you must not want sex.")

I have tested this theory by going in on
different nights with different outfits. Suitors
pile on when I don a skirt, while I am treated
like a leper the moment I show up in jeans.
Don't get me wrong, I think being a prude
who has Victorian hang-ups about sex and is
equally a misreading of what women want. I
have come upon this superannuated concept
of femininity that's a jarring reaction to
what transvestites normally have to tolerate.

Still, I sometimes wonder if guys enjoy the
*thrill* of the chase? The niceties? The dining
together? Walking together in public? The
sweet kisses at the doorstep? The uncertainty?
The possible wait, the excruciating days where
the sexual drive mounts and grows? I've always
thought the "complete routine" added
to the eroticism and the triumph when the
act is finally conceived?

Or do guys actually prefer just walking into
a bar and sticking it in without like....even
getting to know the anonymous partner's favorite
color?

If the answer is yes, it would not surprise
me much, because I've always seen a good portion
of m-t-f transvestism (at some level) as two
men conspiring to create the woman that never
was.

How to Be a Girl: The Things Every Beginning Transvestite Should Know

How
to Be a Girl: The Things Every Beginning Transvestite
Should Know

Girls and girls, here is an excellent article
written by Miss Ursula Hitler on the general
points of being a transvestite, not just for
beginners, but everyone else in the office
who is an expert on pretending to appear busy
at work! What a marvelous and disingenous
way of getting constantly hit on by that Google
thug! Just name yourself after the most controversial
figure on the internet! Why didn't I think
of that! Thanks Ursula!

Privilege is not an identity

I've always felt that the Achilles' heel in
the transgender culture is one of class. First
off, there is education. I've often joked
that the thing that keeps transgender identity
apart from other trans groups is thirty to
forty thousand words. As in, a doctorate or
thesis. The language that transgender groups
have access to puts it in a group of its own.
Next comes the hormones, the sexual-reassignment
surgery (SRS) . You need to research hormones,
availability, side-effects, prescriptive routes,
approval process. You need counseling for
SRS, traveling expenses to different parts
of the country (or the world), bouts of unemployment.
In the modern day and age of the internet,
how would a transgender person out on the
street do this? Next, there is therapy. Therapy
therapy therapy. How much does therapy cost?
And what happens if the transgendered individual
does not have a job that provides coverage
for transgender therapy?

I can't help but think of the underclass
and the working girls who are trans-identified.

What do you say to a person who does not
have access to one or all three of these transgender
privileges?

What can you say?

TG Personal Ads

A friend recently asked me to go look over
Yahoo! personal ads with him. As we were pouring
over girls, we came upon a TG who placed hers
up alongside theirs.

For years, I thought my situation was unique:
Married gentleman callers cheating on their
wives, dispatching lip service, wanting sex,
hiding in motel rooms, can't keep their hands
off you behind closed doors, can't even walk
alongside you in broad daylight... telling
lies.

This girl's personal ad had all the aforementioned
gripes.

Perhaps the greatest triumph of the internet
is not bringing diversity into the desktop
of our homes. The greatest triumph of the
internet is making us realize we are neither
snowflake nor unique.

In that manner, a transperson's only way
to top that triumph is to be unique. Don't
get hardened. Don't play into their hands.
Don't become a statistic. They may take what
they want physically, but deep down inside,
you can't let them have what really counts.
Because the moment you do, the only thing
you've got left is cynicism.

And there's nothing beautiful about that.

The Passing Reich

I have been often been asked about transgender
/ transvestite lifestyles by people who are
not in the culture: "Is it like those
hairy guys who come out in dresses in talk
shows?" Ironically, the answer is Yes.

The pervasive issue that many transgender
folk tend to skirt around is the issue of
passing (to go undetected in public and get
accepted for the gender you are adopting).
If you were to inspect the discussions closely,
you would find that it's really centered around
passing: Problems in women's public toilets,
acceptance in lesbian bars, violence and remarks
made on the streets, welfare application problems,
on-the-job harassment.

Nobody wants to admit it, but all these topics
would NOT be an issue if someone passed 100%.

The people I have come across who have passed
100% are completely integrated into society
as a girl and have absolutely no interest
in discussing being a "transgendered"
person. So why do you only see hairy guys
come out in dresses in talk shows? Because
the fraction of the ones who have truly succeeded
in passing will never expose themselves. Their
hands are not on the prize. The prize is already
sitting on the mantle of their living room
fireplace.

But what is passing? Have you ever thought
about it? Passing, by any other name, would
be "blind sheepish conformism."
I want to be named like a girl, dress like
a girl, act like a girl, talk like a girl,
throw like a girl. If you substitute girl
with "in crowd", "cool people",
"hipsters," it gets ugly fairly
quickly.

The theme of passing is the utter desperation
to be accepted and belong. It reminds me of
newly-monied ethnic groups at the turn of
the century who exhausted themselves trying
to gain membership into the old guards country
club. Repeatedly, they were turned down and
humiliated.

Then somebody had enough sense to say, "maybe
we'll just built our own, with all the resources
we have at our disposal."

And that's what I'm saying now. "Why
not?"

Why follow?

When you can create.

Roger Evan Larry's "Crossing" (a movie about a crossdressing gangster)

In this engaging gender and genre bender,
a cool gangster stumbles upon the thrills
and perils of cross-dressing. After a deathbed
promise to his mob-boss father to take the
family business legit, Daniel discovers that
the only thing standing in his way is his
own secret desire - so secret he barely knows
it himself - to dress like a woman and take
it like a girl. Set up for blackmail by a
rival hood and a camera-wielding hooker, Daniel
is caught in a world of crime and desire,
love and lingerie, where being true to himself
may be the most dangerous choice of them all.

Directed by Roger Evan Larry, 2003, Canada,
114 minutes. Starring Sebastian Spence, Crystal
Buble, Bif Naked, Bernie Coulson and Alan
C. Peterson.

from Cinekink

This movie recently played in New York City.
I wanted to go but couldn't find the time.
In the film universe littered with devastatingly
bad or horribly dull movies about transvestites
(ie. Wong Foo, The Hot Chick, White Chicks),
I'm hoping this one comes through.

Sometimes when you look at the pantheon of
comedies based on transvestites, beginning
with Some Like It Hot, you realize that the
public's initial response to transvestites
- laughter - is nothing but a conditioned
reflex.

If Pavlov wanted to draw conclusions and
test principles on human behavior, he should
have used sheep instead of dogs.

Texas Mom Fears Crossdressing leads to....homosexuality?

Thursday, November 18th, 2004

1:14 am

Mother's
homosexual fear cancels schools' event (from
The Standard Times, SouthCoastToday.Com)

The far more troubling item in this article
is why an event involving changing gender
roles would be called "The Woman Is Requested
To Pay." That's more disturbing than
a bunch of boys running around in women's
clothes. (Girls in boys clothes is a non-issue,
since such reversals are de riguer in women's
fashion vocabulary)

I think they are on to something though.
After all, star football players are usually
portrayed in the movies as the ones who show
up at high school class reunions with the
sex change. Ever wonder where that came from?

When your boy is chasing skirt, long after
the cheerleader's body has actually left the
pleated minis...

Mothers, start worrying.